Confused

I feel like in on the edge of a hurricane. My boyfriend is too much for me. I feel inadequate and yet I feel used. Then he does something sweet to throw me off. Since January though it's more bs than good. Then I have to deal with his sons for most of the summer. No big, I thought. Ha. I was wrong. I'm being lifted up to be slammed down again and again. 

So they don't respect me. My boyfriend didn't help with that either. My house is disgusting. I don't feel like I belong there.

Then I discover my ex-husband is in Tanzania. Praise Jesus he has appeared to finally have a solid relationship with Him! That makes my heart glad. I'm so thrown though. He is in Tanzania!!!! Argh!!!!! 

So, God. I'm confused. I'm really really confused. What am I doing? Why am I here struggling like this? Where am I supposed to go?